Posts By Lindsey Loucks
Number 4 in the Worst Email Contest…
…in the year 2000. Old, but still funny. Taken from: Worst e-mail contest winners. (2000, January 25). TechRepublic.
Here it is:
Situation:
A student sent this e-mail to his computer instructor. Should the teacher deduct points from his next exam?
E-mail:
i am ussualy home before classes in the morning-before 9 on wed. and thursday.. and b4 1200on monday..of b4 2on tuesday.and friday
my major is microsoft networking i expect to learn how to better maintain a PC within a home and network inviorment..
Umm, huh? Maybe while this person is learning how to better maintain a PC, he/she can also learn some keyboarding and spelling skills.
Would you look at that? Suddenly the font size is growing, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t accidentally push something. Pretty sure… Okay, now I’m laughing at myself rather than the Number 4 in the Worst Email Contest.
How Teh Jumped Inside My Keyborad and Ruined My Spelling Forever
Teh. It’s not a word but it should be. I’ve seen it all around the internets. At first, I had no idea what it meant. Then, when I read it in context, I realized it’s ‘the.’ Now when I type ‘the’, 88% of the time, I will type ‘teh.’ And it makes me angry. At myself and at people who don’t proofread.
So to make myself feel better, I’m posting the number five in the Worst Email Contest of 2000. Why 2000? Why not 2010 or 2011? Because I only have teh (dang it!) tttthhhheee results from 2000. Here it is, number five:
Sandy also says that last yr he did not key ing sytle no that they were their with the cost and he just changed the cost What on lstovr
First Page Shooter
Literary agent Suzie Townsend is hosting a First Page Shooter, in which she or her fellow agent Joanna will critique your first 250 words, any genre, middle grade to adult. Go here for details.
Dear Book I’m Writing: A Hate Letter
Dear Book,
Remember when I posted on my blog about how lovely it was editing you? How I had Pearl Jam’s “The Fixer” running through my head? How I was having tons of fun because the “hard” part was over?
What was I thinking????
There aren’t any songs running through my head now because I’ve lost my mind. (see scary picture below)
Now I’m doubting your characters, your plot, and your entire existence. Nothing makes any sense any more. I wish you would write yourself.
Sincerely,
(I feel better already) Your Writer
I Just Spilled the Secret Ingredient All Over Myself
In Donald Maass’s Writing the Breakout Novel, he says the secret ingredient in setting description is detail. I would be a fool to disagree. Stories that describe the coffee percolating, the knife smeared with strawberry jam on an otherwise empty counter, and the woman running back and forth to the refrigerator in her rainbow toe socks draw you in. You see everything! While every single detail isn’t necessary and would bog down the story, picking three to five tiny details that stand out in the room will help the reader get a crystal clear visual.
So, I’m trying to do this in my own writing. Just yesterday, I wrote a scene in a room with one slanted bookshelf, an office chair with wheels, and a buzzing overhead light with a moth flitting around inside it. Hopefully those specific items will paint a clear picture for the reader. I’ll find out when it gets critiqued. 😉
On a slightly unrelated note, I have clam chowder cooking in the crock pot right now. I came home from work to add the not-so-secret ingredient (milk) and managed to spill most of it all over myself. Ah, Mondays…
My Characters Won’t Tell Me Everything – What Do I Do?!?
Here’s an excerpt from an actual conversation I had with one of my characters:
Me: What’s PL?
Tram: It’s the PL.
Me: Oooookay. Where is the PL?
Tram: I can’t tell you. You’re human.
Me: (sighs) I kind of need to know what PL is. I’m the writer. Why are those two letters in your head?
Tram: (silence)
Me: Are they someone’s initials?
Tram: (blinks)
Me: An acronym for… post lick?
Tram: (looks at me like I have a horn for a nose)
Me: Fine. I’ll get it out of you. (gives him the evil eye) Somehow, I’ll get it out of you.
I’m still not sure what PL means. If I try to kick his butt, I’ll lose. Bad. I could threaten or bribe him, but honestly, he’s kind of scary and intense. I guess he’ll tell me when he’s ready. Maybe?
What can I do to get him to tell me what PL is? Any guesses as to what PL is?
Oasis for YA
The lovely ladies over at Oasis for YA are holding a contest to celebrate 300 followers. The lucky winner will receive a critique on their first chapter from all five ladies! Click here to enter.
I’ll Have Mine Medium Rare With a Dash of ‘Why Should I Care’
I just finished reading Writing the Breakout Novel by Donald Maass. Just typing that made me feel like an egotistical ickypants, but yes, I would like to write a book that makes me millions. Who doesn’t? Maass analyzes why certain books hit the bestseller lists while others don’t, and what those books have in common.
One of those things is steaks. Gah! I mean stakes. Darn empty stomach. Maass says breakout books need to have both personal and public stakes. In other words, what happens if the main character doesn’t achieve their goal, both personally and publicly? Will the main character lose a loved one? Will a loved one come back? Will the world erupt into chaos if the main character fails?
To raise personal stakes, Maass recommends asking yourself, “How can this matter more?” Why should we care about the main character? Hopefully the author will show you why by creating someone you want to root for.
Maass says to raise the public stakes, ask, “How could things get worse?” This makes sense. In really good books, don’t things usually go from bad to worse? That keeps us riveted! We have to know if the main character, whom we are now rooting for because of the personal stakes, succeeds with his/her nearly unattainable goal.
Great advice, Mr. Maass! So, how does everyone like your steaks? Better yet, how do you like your stakes?